Love? Hate? What do I feel?

I think I'm going into my period or something. I feel that way every time. But nonetheless, life is weird. One minute, you're at the top; the world is your oyster, your bowl of banana pudding, and the next, all of the bananas in that pudding have started to turn mushy and black and the oyster has rotted away. Today, I'm down to 10 mantids. My favorite mantid, Lucky, died today. I knew that he wasn't doing too good. Last night, he was acting lethargic, but I was hoping that he would pull through. Didn't happen. I loved that little mantid. I'm tired of feeling like I'm weird or demented because I loved an insect. There's nothing wrong with that. I admit it. I LOVED AN INSECT!!!!! You don't like it, too bad. He was small, cute, and inquisitive, and now he's gone. I think that mantids go to heaven. They're good animals; they don't do any harm. I hope that all of them are up there, chasing big, juicy Drosophila and drinking from golden streams. I'm sure they are all up there. God wouldn't forsake his little ones, even if they have 6 legs and antennae.

I am realizing that I need closer relationships. I'm lonely and miserable. I wish that I knew that people loved me. I know my mom loves me, I know that God loves me, but does anyone else? Do I really have friends, and if I do, do they love me? I don't feel loved. I really don't. I have tears in my eyes right now. I don't know if it's because I'm irritable, sad, lonely, or all 3. I'm disgusted with life. I truly am. Now I'm just rambling on. But friends, how hard is it to say "I love you," once in a while? If you don't tell somebody, they'll never know.