Yogurt is Good

This is a happy blog, surprisingly, because I am in a good mood. There's this rad place called Yogurt Land that just opened up and it's so great! There's 16 different flavors of soft-serve yogurt and dozens of toppings, and the best part of all- they charge by the ounce. It's way cheaper to go there than to go to TCBY because you can get all the toppings you want and it hardly costs anything. I took the boy I babysit there today and we both got yogurt (yummy cookies and cream and peanut butter is a great combination) and we got toppings, and it only costed $4.24 for both of us together. Some people said that they go in there and spend $5 or $6 for one yogurt. At first, I was incredulous, but then I saw how much some people get- like a whole quart or two. Now that's a bit extravagant. I couldn't eat that much if I tried. I would be sick for a month. But, I guess some people have abysmal stomachs. Well, I better go now. I have to get ready for bed. Night night.

Friends are a Figment of your Imagination

I feel like puking and I'm angry about everything. My friend hates me. I don't think I have any stupid friends. Friends are STUPID!!!! I don't think there is any such thing. I HATE PEOPLE!!! People SUCK!!!!! I like cockroaches better than people; I like dog poop better than people; I like dead birds and broken arms and strep throats and bloody noses and vaccinations in the butt better than people!!! Why do people always let me down? My mom always said, "Now honey, no man is an island," but truly, I think that I defy the law. I AM meant to be alone. Nobody cares about me. NOBODY gives a lamb's ear about me. That's how I feel. I have no friends. I have NO FRIENDS!!!! What are friends, anyway? I just don't understand. I'm delusional. I don't understand and I'm confused; befuddled, if you will. Why does friendship have to be such an enigma? Why? Why so is life so perturbed? Why? Why? Why? My stomach hurts. I need to vomit, but it won't come up. I want to vomit really badly. I can't figure out why I am unable to vomit. I guess I'm just upset.

Love? Hate? What do I feel?

I think I'm going into my period or something. I feel that way every time. But nonetheless, life is weird. One minute, you're at the top; the world is your oyster, your bowl of banana pudding, and the next, all of the bananas in that pudding have started to turn mushy and black and the oyster has rotted away. Today, I'm down to 10 mantids. My favorite mantid, Lucky, died today. I knew that he wasn't doing too good. Last night, he was acting lethargic, but I was hoping that he would pull through. Didn't happen. I loved that little mantid. I'm tired of feeling like I'm weird or demented because I loved an insect. There's nothing wrong with that. I admit it. I LOVED AN INSECT!!!!! You don't like it, too bad. He was small, cute, and inquisitive, and now he's gone. I think that mantids go to heaven. They're good animals; they don't do any harm. I hope that all of them are up there, chasing big, juicy Drosophila and drinking from golden streams. I'm sure they are all up there. God wouldn't forsake his little ones, even if they have 6 legs and antennae.

I am realizing that I need closer relationships. I'm lonely and miserable. I wish that I knew that people loved me. I know my mom loves me, I know that God loves me, but does anyone else? Do I really have friends, and if I do, do they love me? I don't feel loved. I really don't. I have tears in my eyes right now. I don't know if it's because I'm irritable, sad, lonely, or all 3. I'm disgusted with life. I truly am. Now I'm just rambling on. But friends, how hard is it to say "I love you," once in a while? If you don't tell somebody, they'll never know.

Cling Syndrome

I'm writing about something that I like to call "cling syndrome." Now, what is "cling syndrome?" I define this as the tendency for one to cling incessantly and unrelentlessly to another person. I have expressed this with someone, and I have someone expressing it with me. There's this little boy at the preschool where I work who has a lot of emotional problems. He is always getting into fights and hitting and even biting other kids. Whenever someone stops him, he starts crying and calling out for his parents.

The kid adores me. I am flattered that he likes me so much, but it gets annoying. Everywhere I go, he's always behind me. I don't think it's healthy. He's at an age where he should be playing with other little kids, but he only wants to play with me. And I need some time to play with other kids, too, because they all need me. So, this blog serves no other purpose other than for me to express myself because this is truly frustrating and I don't know what to do. I love the child, but at the same time, I'm en medias res with all of his emotions and it gets out of hand.

A Beautiful Poem

Here is a beautiful poem that I have written:

You suck
You suck
I hate your guts
You stink really bad
You make me spew

You suck
You suck
You nasty duck
Get out of my house before I spew
I want to drug myself
So I can forget you

You suck
You suck
You make me want to puke
I get head trauma
Whenever I see you

You suck
You suck
You putrid roach
Go jump off a bridge
And get hit by a coach

You suck
You suck
But now I must go
Go eat some toadstools
sprinkled with dandruff snow


Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! @##@)#$@$##$#$@$#@$#@$@#!

Bite Me

I just had to post this song. It describes just how I feel. Enjoy, if it's possible.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBh0becnDg0

Lonely

OK. So it's amazing how you can be crushed and yet have a few moments of joy and peace in the same interval. I had fun at work today. I have to admit that. So few people can say that these days, but I'm very fortunate. I played. I ran. I ate mac and cheese, and I even took some home. I finger painted- now you're wondering what the heck I do for a living, aren't you. I work in a preschool. Children bring me joy. They're better friends than adults. I love them so much and they love me back. We share a bond, and there's something about the way I walk into the classroom or walk past the playground and I hear so many little voices screaming joyfully, "Jenifer! Jenifer's here!" and that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Sometimes I get annoyed because some of the kids cling to me, but then I realize that they need me. Nobody spends time with them. They spend nine hours a day at school while their parents work or go to school, and then on the weekends, I and other girls at the center babysit while their parents either work some more or go out to a party or whatever it is that they need to do. Not to put down anyone. I love the parents of those kids. They're awesome. Just saying that those kids need me right now, and I'm there for them to help them grow.

Well, I'm down right now. Somebody whom I have loved for a long time seems to have either abandoned me or forgotten me or both. It hurts. I've been trying and trying and trying to get in touch with her for a long time. I've contacted her other friends, I've contacted her, I've done everything I can just to say goodbye to her because she's leaving. All I wanted was a chance to say goodbye to her. I will never get over it. It's unreasonable to ask me to do so. Just like those kids need me, I needed her. I can't see why she can't understand that, or perhaps she does but is afraid. I don't know. I can't get her to know either. I have never had real friends before. I have known people at school whom I used to talk to and sometimes even sit with at lunch in junior high or high school, although I usually sat alone, but none of that ever lasted. I tried to keep relationships going, but my efforts failed. They either lost interest or lost connection. I came to college with no friends. I had grown up alone for so long that I was under the impression that I didn't need anybody, although I felt that something was missing. I was craving something that only good friendships could bring, and just when I was starting to look for penpals and E-friends, I came to the university and met wonderful people and things seemed to change. But now I fear that my high school nightmares are coming back. I don't want my friend to go away forever and never contact me again. I am very afraid. I don't know what to do or what to say to make things better or change things. I just don't know. I'm sick of being lonely. I need love. I need a hug. I need somebody to hold me and tell me that things are ok. I need my friend and I don't know where she is... COME BACK TO ME! DON'T LEAVE ME. I NEED YOU. I NEED YOU. I NEED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!